This past week Enos “Stan” Kroenke’s purchase of a majority stake in the St. Louis Rams was approved by the National Football League. NFL rules prohibit an owner from having a majority stake in a football team in one city and a team from another sport in another city, so Kroenke was forced to transfer operating control – whilst winking – of the Denver Nuggets and the Colorado Avalanche to his son, Nepos.
NFL rules did not require Kroenke to pretend to transfer ownership of the Colorado Rapids because no one seemed to care and Kroenke has long since forgotten that he owns them.
On August 29, Kroenke’s Rams visited the New England Patriots for a preseason exhibition. Bob Kraft, owner of the Patriots and the New England Revolution, reportedly welcomed Kroenke to the NFL ownership fraternity by taunting him via telephone immediately after the Patriot’s Brandon Tate scored a 97-yard kickoff return touchdown. After the game, Kraft further welcomed him to the even more exclusive NFL-owner/MLS-owner fraternity with a healthy round of spanking, tickling, and discussing how to best lay waste to interest in MLS. Witnesses reported that Kraft spanked Kroenke until his his ass was heavily blistered and his toupee was halfway across the room.
The Rams have won only six games in the past three seasons and speculation has begun to swirl that the team may move to Los Angeles. If Kroenke offers the Rams the same leadership as he does the Rapids, the team will likely be so terrible and hopelessly mismanaged that St. Louis will be glad to see them leave.