St. Petersburg – 2018 World Cup Bid Chief Alexey Sorokin announced in a press conference that surging costs due to FIFA’s unexpected shift of the World Cup calendar to a winter schedule has immediately placed all host cities in on the brink of insolvency.
Mr. Sorokin, who is expected to die soon of mysterious causes, explained: “We weren’t planning on stadium retrofits and redesigns, or even buying a bunch of heaters for outdoor viewing parties. I didn’t know adding ceilings to our venues was going to be this expensive. Maf–, err, I mean government money has just run dry.”
Russian President Dmitry Medvedev added, “It’s terribly cold here in the winter, balls will freeze. Why would FIFA change to a Winter schedule? They need a history lesson. Do they know what happened to Napoleon? the Germans?”
When told about the proposed arrangements to shift to a Winter schedule were only for the 2022 World Cup in Qatar, Medyedev commented, “Oh, good, well – we have some assassi– plans to call off.”
FIFA’s proposal to add neighbors of Qatar to co-host in 2022 has also motivated Russia to add host cities in beautiful South Ossetia, where there are no shortage of bombed out buildings for supporters to squat in.
[this article was contributed by author david ma, thanks david!]