*** Qatari Prime Minister admits no knowledge of football. Qatari PM Hamad bin Jassim bin Jabr al Thani (“Tim” for short) explained in a press conference that he had no knowledge about the sport. Fortunately this is not expected to negatively impact the planning for the 2022 World Cup because it appears unlikely that any Middle Eastern governments will remain in power by month’s end. Hopefully the soon-to-be protesting Qatari mobs elect someone who knows a thing or two about the sport.
*** Journalist Grant Wahl to run for FIFA president. Although he says that he does not expect to win the post, he is doing it to start a conversation about dramatic changes needed in FIFA’s leadership. In related news, Mr. Wahl sustained severe injuries attempting to joust a windmill. We wish him a speedy recovery.
*** MLS announces new playoff structure; 10 of the 18 teams will advance to the playoffs. Under the new system, the top three teams from each of the two conference will make the playoffs along with the next four teams with the highest point totals regardless of conference. This structure was narrowly adopted over a competing proposal which called for Los Angeles, New York, and Seattle to qualify automatically with all remaining spots decided by a hip-hop style dance battle.
*** Las Vegas mayor announces interest in MLS franchise if the city fails to land NBA franchise. The lure of gambling, brothels, and general excess is expected to be a major selling point for future designate player acquisitions.