Chicago, IL – Last week, the Chicago Fire announced the signing of 25-year-old Uruguayan striker Gastón Puerari. With that announcement came a flood of searches on Wikipedia for information about Mr. Puerari. However, there was no entry for him on the Internet encyclopedia. That would not last long.
Within hours of his signing several anonymous editors collaborated to create a page about Puerari. Puerari was not impressed and immediately went about correcting it.
“First off, I saw that someone listed me at 5 foot 7, and I nearly came to tears,” Puerari said, “I am a solid 5′ 8″ and that isn’t even when I wear my European man-heels. So, naturally, that had to be corrected.”
“Also, whoever made my entry added little more than facts and figures about which teams I had played for, and so on. There was no flair. No representations about my greatness,” Puerari went on, “People make it out as if anyone can score 14 goals in 78 matches in a middling South American league, but it isn’t true. It takes a special talent and my Wikipedia page desperately needed to reflect that, so it was imperative that it mention that I ‘impressed’ several major clubs and that I was a ‘key player’ for the Montevideo Wanderers.”
Despite his edits, Puerari is still not fully satisfied about his entry. “I keep removing the word ‘diminutive’ but someone keeps putting it back up – I mean, how is that necessary? Or even accurate? I weigh a solid 103 pounds! Since when is that diminutive?” Puerari asked, before being knocked to the ground by a gentle breeze.