Category Archives: Stadiums

February 9, 2011 – News Briefs

*** Zinedine Zidane claims, in interview with sports daily L’Equip, that he backed Qatar’s 2022 World Cup bid to help grow the sport in the Middle East.  Zidane denied that his involvement was purely for the money.  In fact, he claimed to have received no personal benefit at all, stating that the millions of Euros he received were distributed entirely to charities, such as the Zinedine Zidane Tahitian Beach House Foundation, and the Zinedine Zidane Center for the Furtherance of his Personal Automobile Collection.  Zidane further added that his headbutting of Marco Materazzi in the final of the 2006 World Cup was intended to help facilitate world peace.

*** MLS dashes Atlanta’s hopes for franchise.  In recent months, Arthur Blank, the founder of Home Depot and owner of the Atlanta Falcons, has been taking time out of his busy tanning schedule to lobby MLS for an expansion franchise.  Don Garber, however, rejected the Bea Arthur lookalike’s overtures stating that there would be no franchise until they had a plan in place to build a new soccer specific stadium.  I’m not terribly familiar with the geography of Atlanta, but if you live in a distant suburb full of parking lots, strip malls, and lightly-used industrial parks, you may someday be in store for a modest low-budget soccer stadium in your neighborhood. 

*** UEFA withdraws threat against Ukraine.  Previously, we reported that UEFA was rattling its saber, threatening to withdraw Ukraine’s right to host the 2012 Euro championship due to political influence over the soccer federation.  After the Ukranian government and federation officials assured UEFA that no further interference would occur, UEFA said that Ukraine would remain co-host of the event.  It is unclear yet how many cars these “assurances” can purchase.

*** According to the Zimbabwean, “The Zimbabwe Football Association will get a whooping $300 000 bonus from world soccer governing body FIFA”   http://bit.ly/fZGPLE (emphasis added).  It is unclear what makes this bonus, which stems from FIFA’s huge profits from the 2010 World Cup, so noisy but hopefully it will be spent before it causes undue disruption for the poor citizens of Harare.  [Aw, yea - I went there - take that online editor of low-budget African newspaper!]

Russia Revises Cost of Infrastructure Projects for Winter World Cup, Bankrupts Host Cities

St. Petersburg – 2018 World Cup Bid Chief Alexey Sorokin announced in a press conference that surging costs due to FIFA’s unexpected shift of the World Cup calendar to a winter schedule has immediately placed all host cities in on the brink of insolvency.

Mr. Sorokin, who is expected to die soon of mysterious causes, explained: “We weren’t planning on stadium retrofits and redesigns, or even buying a bunch of heaters for outdoor viewing parties.  I didn’t know adding ceilings to our venues was going to be this expensive. Maf–, err, I mean government money has just run dry.” 

Russian President Dmitry Medvedev added, “It’s terribly cold here in the winter, balls will freeze. Why would FIFA change to a Winter schedule? They need a history lesson.  Do they know what happened to Napoleon? the Germans?”  Continue reading

Closer Look: Qatar’s Bid To Host The World Cup

In a few short months, FIFA will determine the hosts for the 2018 and the 2022 World Cups.  Among the dark horse contenders is the Middle Eastern nation of Qatar.

Qatar is home to 1.6 million people and has an incredibly diverse economy by Middle Eastern standards, which ranges all the way from oil to natural gas to petroleum byproducts.

While Qatar currently lacks the stadiums necessary to host the Cup, they have proposed building nine state-of-the-art stadiums that exude all of the understated good taste one would expect from a Middle Eastern sheikh hemorrhaging petrodollars.

The centerpiece of the planned venues (rendering pictured above) is a 90,000 seat arena built entirely out of the ash of burnt $1,000 bills situated atop an indoor mountain of artificial ice (which itself is completely submerged in the Persian Gulf) . Continue reading

Chivas USA Reveals Rendering Of Proposed Stadium

Today, Shawn Hunter, President of Chivas USA, announced the club’s intention to build a new stadium in metropolitan Los Angeles and displayed an early rendering of the venue (reproduced below).

The new state-of-the-art venue is expected to offer several unique amenities including a bail bonds agency, an emergency clinic specializing in stab wounds, a teenage pregnancy counseling center, a garbage facility concentrating on disposal of deceased prostitutes, a jail capable of holding up to 90% of the attendees,  and several purveyors of airbrushed t-shirts. Continue reading