We cannot thank you enough for bringing this matter to our attention. Upon receiving your comment, we dispatched a team of investigators to look into your claims. After conducting an exhaustive review of the evidence, they concluded that the pictures are, indeed, “totally false.” We deeply regret this unfortunate incident and are taking steps to ensure that it never happens again. First, the author of that piece has been terminated (we also had his much beloved dog killed). Second, we have hired an army of consultants, lawyers, and dignitaries to audit our publication policies. We expect some major changes in the near future!

But, no matter what we do, we still need help from you the reader to make sure nothing slips through the cracks. In the future, if you see any false stories or doctored images on this website please call our new 24/7 hotline at once (comments are also fine, but we aren’t paying those unpaid interns to sit around by the phone all night for nothing.)

We here at Beer and Soccer are committed to bringing you only 100% (nay, 200%) truthful, accurate, fake, obviously farcical soccer news we can make up. Thanks for helping us accomplish our mission.

- the Editors

P.s. Congratulations on having recently learned to access the “Internet.” In no time you will be a master! Be aware that not every website is as committed as we are to honest reporting – although we have not personally come across any false information on the Internet, we have heard several reports on the subject.